Jail cell pros: Other inmates would be paying a lot more attention to Jared than to you. Also, he might share some of his kosher meals. Cons: The constant whimpering.
Hot tub pros: Really, nothing. Cons:
Mar A Lago pros: Okay, the food's probably not bad if you enjoy over-cooked meats in heavy sauces. Plus, we hear from Twitter that they have the "most beautiful" chocolate cake in the world and sometimes they even give away state secrets. Cons: Very wealthy white people in MAGA hats.
Cabinet meeting pros: Won't last long, since POTUS has to get back to Fox and Friends. Cons: You literally have to get on your knees and thank God for the existence of a man who's not Jesus. Bonus con: Very wealthy white people in MAGA hats.
Sanders job pros: You never have to learn any facts or do any homework, and the position comes with a personal, taxpayer-funded stylist! Cons: The constant drag of having to clean up the president's messes. (Even we're not sure how literally that should be taken.)
Toilet job pros: Good benefits, government healthcare. Cons: same as above
Trump food pros: Let's face it, McDonald's fries don't suck. Cons: Your ass is huge.
Horse food pros: Roughage. Cons: Every day a Nazi rides you.