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What's Donald Trump's beef with Jeff Bezos?

After months of complaining about everything from CNN to Chelsea Manning to the Des Moines Register, Trump is now coming after what we all care about most: Free 2-day shipping. Last week Trump went on yet another bizarre rampage, claiming that online megalith Amazon is abusing the U.S postal service, doesn't pay taxes, and that the Washington Post (which Jeff Bezos owns) is fake news. While there are plenty of reasons to hate Amazon if you care about unsavory labor and business practices, these...aren't them. They're all personal Trump vendettas, and they're having an impact. Amazon's stock price has taken a hit, dropping over 10% in the past week, and Jeff Bezos has personally lost ~$16 billion since Trump started attacking him.

Why is Trump doing this?

As with anything our super competent and emotionally stable leader does...who the F*@$ knows?! But we have some theories:

1. It could be because Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post.

Before Trump even became president, he was angry at the coverage he received from the Washington Post. The Post has been consistently investigating Trump since the time he began running for President and finding dirt. With his a longstanding hatred of the press (and the truth!), attacking Amazon could just be another way to get back at the media he believes treats him unfairly.

2. It could be that Amazon is operating unfairly.

Trump said Amazon isn't paying enough in taxes and is abusing the US Postal service by paying them to deliver packages. Now many of us would agree with the former; for years Amazon opened warehouses and offices only in low-tax states while continuing to operate in all of them. These days, however, the company is so big that it has warehouses in every state and Congress, at the behest of this very president (a storied tax dodger in his own right), has lowered corporate tax rate. So...whose fault is it if they don't pay enough in taxes? Oh, and while the US Postal Service has been losing money, that's not on Amazon. USPS constantly says its contract with Amazon is profitable.

3. It could be because Jeff Bezos is waaaay richer than Donald Trump.

It's been reported that the "very existence of Bezos seems to drive Trump crazy." While Trump was born rich, Bezos' fortune is self-made and is a far more admired and influential businessman than Trump ever was or will be. He's also far far far far far richer. Even with his loss due to Trump's attacks, he's still about 38 times richer than Donald Trump. This must really piss off the orange little man. Also, let's be honest - Trump most likely has never used Amazon and doesn't understand what the company is or does. But the fact that this nerdy little man is running it and criticizing him at the same time probably infuriates him. Good.