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Who is EPA head Scott Pruitt and why is he under investigation?

Scott Pruitt, 49, insecure middle-aged man since birth, is the head of the the Environmental Protection Agency. He was appointed by Heir Orange last year and immediately got to work getting embroiled in silly controversies related to his fanatical obsession with personal security and extreme luxury. It's been so bad that almost 170 congressional Democrats are supporting a resolution calling for his removal.

Ohhhh, gossip! Tell me more about these controversies.

For a business guy, Pruitt just seems to be really bad with handling money. The biggest story is the allegations that he acted improperly in buying a $43,000 secure phone booth for his office last year. The EPA's only defense was that Pruitt needed to receive top secret communication in the booth, which was curious since (a) he didn't have clearance at the time and (b) the EPA already has secure channels for said top secret communicating.

Maybe he just has a really weird superman changing in the phone booth fantasy. Was it just that one thing?

HAHAHAHAHA. Cute. There are a total of 10 federal inquiries into Pruitt's expenditures on security, travel, and more. Some highlights:

  • The EPA's Inspector General has an open investigation into Pruitt's frequent trips to Oklahoma, where he spent 43 out of the 92 days between March and May last year. (Cost to taxpayers: $12,000. Wasted time while receiving a taxpayer-funded salary: Trump level.) The investigation has also expanded to his unnecessary use of private and military flights. For example he took a $40,000 trip to Morocco last year to promote natural gas exports even though the E.P.A plays no role in those.
  • He's also under investigation for his meetings with the National Mining Association. According to reports he encouraged the coal mining industry to lobby Trump to pull out of the Paris Climate Agreement. (He doubled down on shit-talking Obama-era policy by appearing in a National Cattlemen's Beef Association video where he opposes Obama's clean water rule. Cool...)
  • There are major questions about the security expenditures - man is supes obsessed with protection. He has a security staff that is three times as large as any previous E.P.A administrators (it's cost $3 million of YOUR dollars). The E.P.A has also spent thousands of dollars in bulletproof vests and weapons. Again, this is Environmental Protection Agency. WHY DO THEY NEED WEAPONS? Are they planning to protect the environment with a shootout?
  • Pruitt also waaaaay overspent his office budget, not just with that ridiculous phone booth, but with loan art from the Smithsonian Institution and a fancy framed American flag.

Are we sure he's not two 12-year-old boys standing on each other shoulders?

Good question. No.

Anything else before we go bury our heads in a bucket of lard and refuse to come out for three years?

Oh, right, there's the rent thing! Pruitt had a highly questionable living arrangement last year in which he paid $50 per night to live in a luxurious condo co-owned by the wife of an energy lobbyist, J. Steven Hart. The EPA say that this did not violate any federal gift rules because the rate was within "reasonable market value." HAHAHAHAHA. What market value are they referring to? It goes without saying that Hart sought assistance from the EPA in 2017, during the period when Pruitt was renting the home.

Wow. This dude just does not give a F%@K.